I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Randomize
