It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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