I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
