i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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