I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
