Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
