Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
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