Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
