If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
