I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
