you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Too much gin, very little bucket
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
There's a naked man in my car right now.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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