life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
