We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
