well you can't waste a boner
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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