I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
