I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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