I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Less talking, more tequila
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
