maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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