i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
