let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
