no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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