the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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