I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
