thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
