No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
