My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
My vagina is very pro this idea
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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