I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
