hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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