Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Those nachos came to me in a dream
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
