that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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