another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
