id be glad to
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
