he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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