I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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