And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
