The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
