he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
