I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
