well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
