I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
