I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
