omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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