I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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