forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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