They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
