Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
