the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
i think my cat just said my name.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
