I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
