I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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