This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
