haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
