can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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