hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
