whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
