I wish i was in the wii world.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Green mimosas i think yes
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
