My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
